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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23234476">Welcome Party</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanamousse/pseuds/nanamousse'>nanamousse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Comfort/Angst, Friends With Benefits Allusion, Friendship, Jaemin Post-Hiatus, Jealous Huang Ren Jun, Lee Jeno &amp; Na Jaemin Are Best Friends, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nosy Maknaes, Past Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Pre-Empathy Era</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:06:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23234476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanamousse/pseuds/nanamousse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jaemin came back from his hiatus, he already expected that it won't be easy to fit right back in. He was too consumed questioning his worth in the group that he didn't see how his return affected the people around him - Donghyuck found himself unprepared, Renjun closed off, and Jeno was left to straighten what he could.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Welcome Party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>New Dreamzen, so not entirely familiar with eras prior to Boom. Second NCT Dream fic. Everything is just purely imagination. Un-betaed.</p><p>Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/nanajae0813">nanajae0813</a><br/>CC: <a href="https://curiouscat.me/nanajae0813">nanajae0813</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Donghyuck slips into the fire exit to escape the older NCT 127 members who are adamant about sending him to some errand they can do themselves. They just got dismissed from practice and he can hear his limbs begging for his bed. He’s not going to use his remaining strength to run at the convenience store for them to pick up their favorite drinks and snacks, knowing they’ll just laze away lying on the practice room floor. No, he won’t. He deserves to stay at one spot and rest too.</p><p>So, he uses the last drop of his energy to climb his way to his favorite hideout - the rooftop. He’s almost there when he sees something - or someone - that causes him to freeze at the bottom of the last stairwell.</p><p>Na Jaemin.</p><p>Donghyuck grips the cold railings tightly and stares at the boy who’s sitting at the top of the steps, crouched down to his knees with his head weighed down by the hands behind his nape. He’s about to take a step back and leave when he hears a faint sound of sobbing coming from above.</p><p>
  <em> No way. </em>
</p><p>Jaemin doesn’t cry. At least, that’s what Donghyuck has always known and believed. Worried, Donghyuck takes careful steps to climb the remaining flight of stairs and sits beside the other boy even though it’s the last thing he wants to do.</p><p>“Jaemin?”</p><p>The other boy straightens up and backs away against the wall at the sight of Donghyuck. “What are you doing here?” he asks, wiping his eyes and face with his hands in a hurry.</p><p>“Hiding away from the hyungs,” Donghyuck answers, voice gentle, “you?”</p><p>Jaemin shakes his head, saying, “Nothing. Just taking a break.”</p><p>Frowning, Donghyuck replies, “You’re crying.”</p><p>The other boy freezes and avoids the look Donghyuck is giving him. He won’t let anyone see him weak even though he was already caught red-handed.</p><p>“Come on, Jaemin, talk to me,” Donghyuck tries again as he scoots closer, “don’t make me go out there and act as if I don’t know anything - that’s going to be so hard. I’ve heard and seen it already, what’s the use of just keeping it to yourself?”</p><p>Jaemin turns and examines him with his well-known penetrating gaze. Normally, Donghyuck will cower from it. Jaemin’s eyes are alluringly gorgeous, but he doesn’t like the feeling of being stripped down to your soul. But for the sake of the current situation, he keeps still and holds his ground. He needs the slightly younger boy to believe that he can trust him. Just like in the past before his back injury whisked him away.</p><p>“I feel like I don't belong here anymore,” Jaemin says, biting his lip to stop himself from breaking down again, “I-I don’t know where to put myself. It’s not that I was naive enough to think that nothing would change while I was away, but I didn’t think it’d be this hard to come back.”</p><p>It hasn’t been long since Jaemin came back after his hiatus and Donghyuck knows that he’s been doing his best to catch up with everything. One and a half years is a long time after all - longer than the time Jaemin was with NCT Dream during their Chewing Gum promotions. He missed two comebacks and their first win among many other things. The group did well even without him and that’s probably the hardest part to swallow. The pressure to prove that he still deserves his spot must be overwhelming.</p><p>Donghyuck reaches out for Jaemin’s hand. He smirks when he sees the other boy flinch at the gesture. Jaemin may love being babied by the older members, but he would always shy away when it’s his fellow Dreamies that take care of him. “I get what you mean,” Donghyuck tells him as his other hand travels to the back of Jaemin’s neck to caress his nape, “but this is just temporary and trust me when I say that it’s good to have you back - we missed you so bad.”</p><p>Jaemin doesn’t hesitate anymore. He leans forward and buries his face at the juncture where Donghyuck’s neck and shoulder meet. “It’s so hard, Haechan,” he says as tears start falling down his eyes again, “it’s like training all over again.”</p><p>This side of Jaemin isn’t something Donghyuck is used to and his chest is tightening in pain because of it. Jaemin is always all smiles and laughter, so he’s completely at lost on how to put the slightly younger boy at ease. It's Jaemin who does that so well after all. Still, he takes a guess and shifts his hands from their previous positions to wrap them around Jaemin. “It’s going to be okay,” he promises, pulling him closer, “we’re going to help you like before - I’m going to help you.”</p><p>Truth be told, Donghyuck has been dreading Jaemin’s return. It isn’t because he didn’t want the other boy back. He will never think of such a thing. The two of them worked their butts off since they were 14 to get where they are and it was devastating when Jaemin had to take a break because of his health. But there are things about Jaemin that Donghyuck isn’t ready to deal with, so Donghyuck avoided the other as much as he could. However, with Jaemin so broken and lost in his arms, he changes his mind and decides to stay close.</p>
<hr/><p>Donghyuck isn’t the only one affected by Jaemin’s return.</p><p>From the moment they were told that Jaemin got the go signal from his doctors, therapists, and parents to come back, Renjun has been restless. He doesn’t understand why at first. Jaemin has been one of his first friends in SM. The slightly younger boy has been nothing but kind to him. He remembers crying when they found out Jaemin wouldn’t be joining their schedules for a while because of his back. But all of a sudden, the thought of Jaemin joining them again scared him so bad.</p><p>It didn’t take Renjun long to realize what’s going on though. The reality came crashing down on him one morning when he saw Jeno cleaning one of the rooms in their dorms - Jaemin’s old room. </p><p>That was when he knew.</p><p>For the past one and half years, it was mostly him, Jeno, Chenle and Jisung (with Mark and Donghyuck only joining them when they didn't have NCT 127 schedules). Left with two kids who are too engrossed with their young world, Renjun and Jeno gravitated to each other and became really close. Renjun enjoyed those quiet times with just him and the other boy, whether they were just watching a movie on their TV or lounging in their shared room.</p><p>It was his first time experiencing Jeno’s almost undivided attention and he didn’t expect to be so addicting. He liked it so much that he was unconsciously becoming used to it to the point of craving for it every day even though he wouldn’t admit it out loud and would even deny it every chance he got. Fortunately, Jeno didn’t take his act seriously and would still stay by his side, reaching out for his hand and wrapping his arms around him from time to time.</p><p>Damn, he was in love. </p><p>But with Jaemin joining them again, Renjun knew his time with Jeno was up. He believes Jeno only took refuge in him because his best friend wasn’t around. Jaemin’s return meant Jeno would have his best friend back, putting him aside.</p><p>True enough, from the moment Jaemin stepped inside their dorm once again, Jeno stayed by the slightly younger boy’s side. He led him to his room, helped him unpacked, walked with him together to the company, waited for him after every practice, and many more. On the other hand, Renjun was left with Chenle and Jisung - not that he hated it. He loves the two maknaes, but having no Jeno by his side made him feel somewhat lonely. The thought that he has lost Jeno brought Renjun in a state of sadness he’s not used to and his first response is to close off and keep everyone away from him, especially Jeno.</p><p>“Hey, do you want to come with me?”</p><p>Lying on the practice room floor and almost falling into a nap, Renjun opens his eyes and sees Jeno peering down at him. “Where?” he replies, staring back at the other boy. It’s a beautiful sight, he thinks.</p><p>“Supermarket - I’m out of snacks,” Jeno answers with a shrug.</p><p>“Where’s Jaemin?” Renjun blurts out.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Renjun sits up - he can't take the weight of Jeno's stare anymore. “Where’s Jaemin?” he repeats.</p><p>Jeno narrows his eyes at him, scrutinizing. “I don’t know,” he answers, slowly and cautiously, “but he’ll be staying behind...extra practice sessions, remember?”</p><p>No, Renjun doesn’t. He has been blocking out everything related to Jaemin. It’s stupid and childish, but it’s the only way he can think of to shield himself from the current situation. “Why not ask the others?” he asks, hoping he can get away from the other boy.</p><p>“Mark-hyung promised Chenle and Jisung pizza and games tonight,” Jeno tells him as he crouches down to level with Renjun, “come on, we haven’t spent some time together lately...I miss you.”</p><p>
  <em> I miss you. </em>
</p><p>A sudden surge of electricity shoots through Renjun’s spine upon hearing those three words. Slowly, he turns to Jeno. He meets his eyes and notices the other boy’s adorable pout. Jeno’s greatest weapon, in Renjun’s opinion. No one can refuse him with that pout. But Renjun focuses on the eyes and locks their gaze for a couple more seconds. He hasn’t had those eyes directed at him for some time and, at that moment, he makes a quick wish to have them always looking at him.</p><p>Yes, Renjun loves those eyes. But he loves the one who owns them more.</p>
<hr/><p>Mark thanks the delivery man and brings the huge box of Domino’s Pizza inside NCT Dream’s living room. Chenle and Jisung quickly put down their game controllers by the television and make their way to the center table. It’s been an hour since they returned to the dorms and they’ve been starving. Mark only remembered to order the younger members’ much-requested pizza after they set up the game console. Fortunately, it only took 20 minutes for the food to arrive and the two boys got absorbed in their game or else they would’ve spent the whole time whining in hunger.</p><p>“Did Jeno-hyung tell you what time they’ll be back?” Chenle asks as he pulls a slice and takes a bite.</p><p>“No,” Mark answers.</p><p>Jisung watches the older boy pour soda for the three of them. “I’m surprised he’s with Renjun-hyung right now,” he says, taking the first cup that’s been filled with Coke.</p><p>Mark furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Why? They always hang out,” he tells the younger boy.</p><p>“Not lately,” Jisung tells him.</p><p>“Not since Jaemin-hyung came back,” Chenle adds, making Mark turn to him.</p><p>“Hyung! You’re going to spill it!” Jisung exclaims and takes the soda from Mark to secure it with the cap.</p><p>“What makes you say that?” Mark asks, focusing on Chenle and ignoring Jisung completely.</p><p>Chenle stares at Mark, swallowing his pizza. “You didn’t notice?” he replies, shocked.</p><p>“Oh, come on, Chenle,” Jisung says with a grin, “Mark-hyung hasn’t been with us lately. Of course, he won’t notice anything like that.”</p><p>Sighing, Chenle picks up a piece of tissue to wipe his oily fingers. This is going to be a long explanation. “Jeno-hyung hasn’t been spending time with Renjun-hyung since Jaemin-hyung came back,” he tells the older boy as detailed as he can. He forgot that Mark can be frustratingly slow at times.</p><p>“I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything,” Mark says, knowing the two boys like to make a huge deal out of small things about the older members out of boredom, “Jaemin was gone for almost two years. It’s natural for Jeno to miss him - they’re best friends after all. They used to be inseparable for a long time along with Haechan,” he adds before turning to the younger, “you know that, Jisung.”</p><p>Jisung widens his eyes and holds his hands up in defense. “Chill, hyung,” he tells him and forces out a smile, “but that’s not all that’s happening here.”</p><p>Chenle nods as he looks at Mark in amusement. </p><p>Mark narrows his eyes at Jisung and glances at Chenle. The two boys’ faces are filled with mischief right now. He may be oblivious, but he’s been with them for a long time now to know they’re up to something. “Okay, I’ll bite, what is it?” he asks as he braces himself for whatever ridiculousness Chenle and Jisung have on their sleeve.</p><p>Grinning, Jisung leans closer to Mark and says, “We think Renjun-hyung likes Jeno-hyung.”</p><p>“What?!” Mark exclaims, incredulous.</p><p>“Not only that,” Chenle chimes in, “we also believe that the feeling’s mutual - Jeno-hyung also likes Renjun-hyung!”</p><p>“Okay, that’s it! You’re getting way ahead of yourselves with this,” Mark tells them as he shakes his head and reaches for a slice.</p><p>“Don’t tell us you never saw anything!” Chenle whines in frustration, “They were all over each other last year - on and off cam! Hyung, you can’t be this dense!”</p><p>Jisung rolls his eyes, and adds, “Renjun-hyung has been avoiding Jeno-hyung since Jaemin-hyung came back - actually, he’s been avoiding all of us. He’s probably jealous or something. Maybe he thinks Jeno-hyung would forget him now that Jaemin-hyung’s here again.”</p><p>“He may always act like he’s tough and independent, but he’s still fairly sensitive over things - I mean he cries easily!” Chenle points out with some giggles. </p><p>“And you didn’t bring this up to anyone because?” Mark asks in disbelief, bothered at how the two younger boys are treating the whole situation as it’s simple as they think it is. </p><p>“Because we know they’ll come around, especially Jeno-hyung - he'll see what’s going on and he’ll definitely do something,” Jisung answers and turns to Chenle when a realization hits him, “what if this is what it's about? Jeno-hyung dragging Renjun-hyung to talk in private!”</p><p>Chenle widens his eyes and reaches his hand out for a high-five, which Jisung instantly returns. “There’s really nothing to worry about, hyung,” Chenle tells Mark, who looks stressed right now, “Renjun-hyung just probably doesn’t know how to handle the change, so he closed off. Can you blame him though? It’s a year and a half! Of course, he got used to what we had that time - we all did!” he adds with Jisung nodding in agreement, “Now, Jaemin-hyung’s back and, as much as we’re all thrilled about that, we can’t just go back to our Chewing Gum days. A lot has changed - we made all the necessary adjustments to fill his absence. But now, we have to-”</p><p>
  <em> Crash. </em>
</p><p>The three boys in the living room freeze at the sound of the coat hanger falling against the floor. </p><p>“Shit, sorry.”</p><p>Mark watches as someone hurriedly picks up the coat hanger and all the jackets and coats hanging on it. He feels his mouth run dry upon realizing who the newcomer was.</p><p>“Jaemin?"</p>
<hr/><p>“Jaemin!”</p><p>He hears his name called after him up above the stairwell as he pushes against the metal door leading to the back alley of the apartment building. </p><p>Jaemin may be tired from all the dancing he did all day. He may have dragged himself to get back to their dorm so he could collapse in his bed and sleep until tomorrow. However, he’s willing to squeeze his legs for that one last dose of strength to escape their dormitory and all the way to the back of the building. He heard everything and he doesn’t need any excuse or explanation for what they said. It is what it is.</p><p>“Jaemin! Wait!”</p><p>Despite being way out of Mark’s reach already, Jaemin still picks up his speed. He doesn’t have any plan on where he should go. He can’t even see where he’s going or if he has gotten far already. He just wants to get away from the place and everyone inside - even if they are his friends. </p><p>The end of the block is finally in sight. All Jaemin needs to do is cross the pedestrian and Mark will surely stop following him. Unfortunately, he crashes against something that suddenly appeared on his way, causing him to fall on the ground.</p><p>“Jaemin?”</p><p>“Jaemin!”</p><p>Two voices clash in his ears but his brain only registers Mark’s. He quickly gets up on his feet and resumes his run, ignoring what caused his fall. However, a strong hand catches him by the arm and pulls him back.</p><p>“No! Let go of me!” Jaemin cries, forcing the said hand to release him.</p><p>“Hey, hey! Jaemin, it’s me!”</p><p>Jaemin stops and looks up. Yuta’s looking at him, worried. “Hyung…” he whispers as he mindlessly steps forward and buries his face on the older boy’s shoulder, sobbing. </p><p>Shock and confusion take over Yuta. But despite that crazy mix, he wraps his arms around the younger boy. He has never seen Jaemin break down like this, at least not in front of anybody and out in the streets. He looks up and sees Mark jogging towards them, breathing heavily and clutching his side. “What’s going on?” he asks, feeling Jaemin shift his head to look at Mark.</p><p>Crouching down with a hand on his knee, Mark meets Jaemin gaze. He stares at the younger boy and silently asks him how they should go about it. However, Jaemin just hides his face on Yuta’s shoulder once again. Mark swallows and realizes he’s on his own. His eyes travel at everyone around him. Aside from Yuta, who’s cradling Jaemin, there are also the other older members - Taeil, Taeyong, Kun, and Doyoung - looking at him, waiting for him to explain everything.</p>
<hr/><p>Mark opens the door to the NCT Dream dorm and lets Taeil, Taeyong, and Kun inside. They are met with a panicked Jisung and a crying Chenle in the living room.</p><p>Jisung looks up, relieved. “Hyung!” he exclaims, looking at each one of them, “Where’s Jaemin-hyung?”</p><p>“Kun-ge!” Chenle cries as he jumps up from the couch he’s sitting with Jisung to run to Kun.</p><p>Kun opens his arms and catches the younger boy into his embrace. “Hey, calm down,” he says, smoothing Chenle’s back with his hand.</p><p>Chenle shakes his head and starts talking in rapid Mandarin. “Ge, I-I didn’t mean-I’m-I’m sorry, I-I was stu-stupid,” he starts in between his sobs, tightening his arms around Kun’s waist, “please, please, ge, believe me...I-I was just say-saying-”</p><p>“Shhhh, we know, Chenle, we know,” Kun tells the boy as softly as he can as he pats his head. Chenle is no crybaby. Even though he left his home in Shanghai at 15 to live in a foreign country he doesn’t know anything about to chase his dreams, Chenle took all the challenges with his silly bright smile and high-pitched laugh. However, the older members know that Chenle has a very soft spot for everyone in the group. He always makes an effort to spread his happiness and affection through his playfulness and generosity. Hurting anyone, whether consciously or not, is the last thing he wants.</p><p>“But-but J-Jaemin-hyung…” Chenle cries, burying his face against Kun’s shoulder, “he-he hates me…”</p><p>“Don’t be silly, Chenle,” Kun says with a chuckle, “this is your Jaemin-hyung we’re talking about - he doesn’t hate anyone. Just give him time, okay? Once he’s good, you can talk to him and apologize.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> “Let’s go!” Mark called the younger members the moment he got off from their practice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You go ahead, hyung,” Jeno told the older boy, “I’m thinking of going for a walk this afternoon.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “With Jaemin?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jeno shakes his head. “No, with Renjun,” he says. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Others may think that Jeno’s oblivious most of the time and maybe that’s true. But not with certain things and certain people. Not with Renjun. Maybe he didn’t pick it up right away, not when he’s too overwhelmed with the excitement of having Jaemin back with them, but things have calmed down eventually. When it did, he’s surprised how distant Renjun had become. He couldn't believe that it had been quite a while since they slept in their shared room, with Renjun opting to sleep in the living room with his art stuff. </p><p>Initially, Jeno planned to wait for Renjun to come around at first. But when Jaemin came to him, asking if Renjun hates him, Jeno knew he needed to do something. </p><p>Now, they’re here - walking by the Han River with plastic bags in their hands, filled with their favorite snacks from the grocery. Jeno hoped it would help Renjun be at ease with him again. He tried every way possible to get the slightly older boy to laugh but he was only given a small smile and silence the whole time they walked along each aisle. Normally, Renjun would join his silly antics and would even do much crazier things than him. This deeply bothers him. He misses Renjun a lot - the Renjun who became really close to him while his best friend was away, the Renjun who became like his home and comfort in this tiring and stressful young idol life. Even Jaemin or Donghyuck didn’t give him that.</p><p>Jeno stops in his tracks and Renjun bumps into him.</p><p>Renjun looks at him in curiosity, not saying a single word. But as Jeno turns to face him, he sees the question in his eyes.</p><p>
  <em> “What’s wrong?” </em>
</p><p>Jeno stares at the smaller boy and wonders when it all started. When did he become so attuned to Renjun’s thoughts, reactions, and actions? He isn’t the most sensitive person in their group. He’s not that good at reading others around him. But somehow, Jeno feels like he got Renjun memorized at some special part of his brain. “Talk to me, Renjun,” he starts as the other boy narrows his eyes at him, “I know something’s wrong. I can feel it. Please, let me help.”</p><p>Renjun looks away and Jeno feels a sharp pain in his chest at the response.</p><p>Taking a breath, Jeno continues, “Okay. If you don’t want to tell me yourself - if it's hard for you to tell me, I'll take a guess but promise me you’ll be honest. Don’t lie to me.”</p><p>Jeno stares at Renjun as he waits for an answer. He can see it - the inner battle going inside the other’s head. Everything is visible from his eyes. A sudden urge to pull the older boy into his arms surfaces in Jeno, but he holds his ground. He needs Renjun to talk. That’s the goal right now.</p><p>“Fine, I promise,” Renjun replies, turning to the river.</p><p>Smiling, Jeno whispers a silent “thank you” and follows Renjun’s gaze towards the water. It’s either he gets it one try or they’re going to spend hours in this spot until he gets it right. There are many possibilities, but he’s sure the clues have all been left for him to pick up and put together. He can get this right. When did Renjun suddenly change? What happened then? Why can’t he say it freely? The answer is there - that Jeno knows. He just needs to think and remember all the things he knows about Renjun. He can do this.</p><p>“Does this have to do with Jaemin?”</p><p>Renjun doesn’t say anything or even nod. But Jeno doesn’t need any of that. All he has to do is focus on Renjun’s face and watch how he purses his lips as he drops his head low. Jeno frowns. Deep down, he wished he got it wrong. It pains him that Jaemin is the root of why Renjun is being like this when the said boy is also his best friend. Jeno clears his throat. If this is the truth, the more he should help to fix it. “Did he say or do anything that upset you?” he asks, even though he knows there’s none. Jaemin is one of the nicest and kindest people he has ever met. There’s no way he did anything that could’ve hurt Renjun or anyone in the group when he loves every single member with all his heart.</p><p>“No, he didn’t,” Renjun answers.</p><p>Nodding, Jeno can only think of one thing related to Jaemin that could’ve caused all of this. “Does it have anything of him coming back to the group?” he replies, staring intently at Renjun.</p><p>Renjun shakes his head. Jeno almost assumes that a “no” until he speaks. “Let’s end it here and just forget about it,” the older boy says, scared, “I’ll be okay soon, just give me time.”</p><p>“No, Renjun, you can’t just tell me my best friend has something to do with this and forget it,” Jeno tells him as he reaches out for Renjun’s free hand, “also, Jaemin’s not dumb. He can sense you’re being distant to him. He thinks you hate him right now.”</p><p>“Then, please, tell him I don’t,” Renjun says, biting his lower lip, “I don’t hate him or anything. He didn’t do anything wrong. The problem is me, okay? Can we go now?”</p><p>Jeno shakes his head, and replies, “If I agree, you’re going to stay as you are now. I can’t have that. Let me help you, Renjun.”</p><p>“There’s really nothing for you to do, I can handle this,” Renjun argues as he frees himself from Jeno’s hold and starts walking away.</p><p>Not wanting to give up, Jeno follows Renjun and overtakes him. “Are you worried about your position in the group now that he’s back?” he tries again while Renjun shakes his head, “Because you know there’s nothing to worry about that - you sing, he raps. It's all good.”</p><p>“Fuck, Jeno, just stop!”</p><p>“No!” Jeno says, determined, “I’m sorry if I’m pushing you right now, but I hate seeing you like this. It hurts!”</p><p>“Fine!” Renjun snaps, stepping closer to Jeno, “You want to know what the hell is wrong with me?”</p><p>“Yes, please,” Jeno answers, voice soft.</p><p>Closing his eyes, Renjun takes a deep breath and says, “I’m not worried about my position in the group...fuck, I don’t even really care about that. I’m worried about my position in your life...now that Jaemin’s back.”</p><p>“What?” Jeno asks, surprised.</p><p>Renjun shakes his head. “I’m not stupid, Jeno,” he says, lifting his head the moment he feels tears forming in his eyes, “I’m very much aware that he’s your best friend through and through. It just so happened that he left for a bit, that’s why I - you - that’s why we -” </p><p>“Is that what you think of me?” Jeno asks, hurt, “That I just made use of you because Jaemin wasn’t here? That now he’s back, I’m going to - what? Forget about you and all the crazy shit we did while he was away?”</p><p>“You don’t understand - I’m scared!” Renjun says as he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, “I won’t be able to take it, Jeno. Once you leave me behind, it will hurt like a lot...” he adds, fully facing Jeno and seeing the shock on his face, “I-I like you...I mean, no, I think I’m way past that...yeah, definitely way past that. I’m in love with you, Lee Jeno, and I don’t want to lose you.”</p><p>Jeno's jaw drop at the confession and, without thinking, takes a step forward to throw his arms around Renjun. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I made you feel that way...” he says, releasing the older boy from his embrace to look at him directly, “Fine, it's Jaemin's absence that got us closer, but I never thought of that as temporary...Renjun, I need you in my life too as much as I need Jaemin...I need you as my friend and, also, in a different way…”</p><p>Renjun freezes.</p><p>“Huang Renjun, I’m in love with you too.”</p>
<hr/><p>Donghyuck is fixing Johnny’s bed when Jaemin enters his room, fresh from the shower and wearing borrowed clothes. The older boys took Jaemin to the NCT 127 dorms after bumping into him (literally) on the streets with Mark and suggested he stays with them at least for the night if he doesn’t want to go back to his dorm yet. Jaemin agreed after crying his eyes out in their dining room the whole afternoon. So, thinking it’d be better for him to room with one of his best friends, Johnny gives up his bed for the night and crashes to another room so Jaemin can stay with Donghyuck.</p><p>“Ready for bed?” Donghyuck asks and gets a nod as a response, “I changed hyung’s sheets and pillowcases so you can sleep better.”</p><p>Jaemin stares at the bed and follows Donghyuck with his gaze as he climbs up to the top bunk. He clears his throat, making the other boy turn to him. “Actually...” he trails off as he toys with the loose thread at the hem of Donghyuck’s shirt.</p><p>“What is it, Jaemin?”</p><p>“Is it - Can we - Can I -?”</p><p>Donghyuck’s face softens and grabs his pillow and blanket. There’s no need for Jaemin to finish his sentence. He already knows what the other boy is asking. “Come on,” he says as he climbs down once again and throws his stuff at the well-made bed below him, “let’s call it a day.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jaemin says, making his way to the bed and settling on the side against the wall.</p><p>Turning off the lights, Donghyuck follows suit and, in an instant, Jaemin squeezes himself against him. This day has been an emotionally tiring day for Jaemin - from breaking down at the stairwell of the fire exit to breaking into a run after hearing his thoughts being echoed by others. </p><p>When Donghyuck returned to the dorms with the rest of the older boys and saw Jaemin being comforted by Yuta and Doyoung in the dining area, he quickly rushed to his side and asked what happened. He almost stormed to the NCT Dream dorm after hearing everything but Jaehyun stopped him, warning him not to do anything reckless that would make the situation worse. But he didn't listen - he still sneaked out to give the others a piece of his mind. Jaemin doesn't know that though.</p><p>Donghyuck already has his eyes closed when he hears the boy beside him talk. It was too low and too soft, he almost missed it.</p><p>“Maybe I shouldn’t have come back.”</p><p>Opening his eyes, Donghyuck replies, “What are you saying? You worked hard for this. This is where you belong. Whatever you heard, they’re not true. We want and need you here.”</p><p>“It doesn’t seem that way…” Jaemin whispers and Donghyuck catches the faint sound of sniffing and rustling of sheets</p><p>Donghyuck sighs and shifts so he can face Jaemin to put an arm around the shaking boy. “Stop, please, this doesn’t suit you,” he says as he rubs his hand on Jaemin’s back, “I thought therapy’s supposed to strengthen you. What happened to the Nana I know?”</p><p>No answer.</p><p>“I know I’m just one person and that’s not good enough,” Donghyuck adds, “but I want and I need you here...it’s wrong to not have you around, so you have to stay.”</p><p>Jaemin looks up and searches for Donghyuck’s eyes in the dark. Once he sees them clearly, he feels a tight squeeze in his chest. He sees it. He sees everything. Donghyuck isn’t even bothering to hide them. Lifting a hand, he starts tracing Donghyuck’s cheek and jaw. “I’m sorry, Hyuck…” he says.</p><p>Donghyuck freezes upon hearing the nickname, but he quickly shakes his head to regain his composure. “Don’t, Jaemin,” he tells him, “not yet, at least.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p>
<hr/><p>Jaemin leaves the NCT 127 dorms after breakfast and returns to his own. Donghyuck offered to come with him but he turned him down. The boy isn’t the biggest fan of the rest of the Dream members right now, so he’d rather go back by himself. There’s no need for any kind of antagonizing this early. </p><p>Normally, the dorm’s filled with noise and chaos - a lot of yelling, running, bickering, and pushing. This morning, however, it's just quiet. Jaemin gently closes the door and slips off his shoes. He prefers it this way. He isn’t sure he’s ready to face all of them right now. However, as he slowly heads to his room, he almost collides against someone who came out of the kitchen.</p><p>“Oh my God! Jaemin, I didn’t hear you come in.”</p><p>Jaemin’s breath hitches at the sight of Renjun before him. He already knows what went down between him and Jeno. His best friend sent him a long message yesterday afternoon, filled with a lot of excitement - which he didn’t get to read until this morning - followed by another message filled with apologies.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jaemin says with a small smile before walking past him.</p><p>“Hey, can we talk?” Renjun asks, grabbing him by the arm.</p><p>Jaemin turns back to him, and answers, “Sure.”</p><p>Renjun opens his mouth to begin but sees how Jaemin protectively crosses his arms in front of his chest. He swallows and looks away, guilty. He was so consumed with his insecurities that he unconsciously hurt other people, specifically Jaemin. Taking a deep breath, Renjun looks back up and starts, “I’m sorry. I’ve been a real ass towards you since you came back. It was stupid and childish of me. I was - it’s just I like your best friend a lot. Once you were here...I didn’t know what to do so…”</p><p>“Renjun, it’s okay, I know,” Jaemin answers, lowering his arms to his side and slipping his hands in his back pockets, “believe me, it’s all good.”</p><p>“Really?” Renjun replies, biting his lip.</p><p>Jaemin nods, and says, “I’m happy for the two of you. He really likes you too. It’s all that he talks about when he messaged me while I was away.”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“Yeah, so don’t worry,” Jaemin tells him as he reaches out to give Renjun’s arm a quick reassuring squeeze, “I promise not to get in between you and Jeno.”</p><p>“What? No, no, no!” Renjun says, shaking his head, “You don’t have to do that or anything like that. You don’t have to do anything at all. I'll never forgive myself if you distance yourself from us. You’re his best friend. He needs you near. Frankly, I do too. You're my first ever friend here and I hope we can pick up where we left off. You might not believe me right now because of how I acted towards you, but I’m happy you’re back here with us. Please, don’t leave us again.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jaemin replies, smiling, “that means a lot.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> “I think I like someone,” Jeno says, staring at Jaemin through his phone screen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jaemin hums as he fiddles with his new toy - a GoPro camera. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think I like Renjun.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Putting down the gadget, Jaemin smirks at Jeno.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Took you long enough to finally admit that, Lee Jeno.” </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Jeno carefully approaches Jaemin’s room with Chenle following behind him, clutching his arm with both hands in fear. The younger boy wants to talk to Jaemin as soon as possible to apologize, but he can’t deny that he’s scared to face him. Even though Jaemin rarely gets angry, Chenle doesn’t want to push his luck. He can’t blame the older boy either if he does. So, Jeno volunteered to accompany Chenle. After all, he wants to talk to his best friend too.</p><p>After talking to Renjun, Jaemin went straight to his room. Renjun came to ask him if he wanted to join them for breakfast, but he declined. He isn’t ready to face the whole team at the same time just yet. He needs some time. They have their morning off, so he’s hoping to get some more sleep on his bed. It’s not that he isn’t comfortable with the older boys of NCT 127 and Donghyuck, but having several pairs of worried eyes zoning at him every time he moves and breathes isn’t something he’s comfortable with. </p><p>“You stay here first, okay?” Jeno tells Chenle, who nods at him obediently, “I’ll talk to him first then ask him if he’s good to talk to you. Sounds cool?”</p><p>“Y-yeah,” Chenle croaks, nervous, “I’ll wait here.”</p><p>Jeno beams at the younger boy before knocking on Jaemin’s door.</p><p>“What is it?” Jaemin asks from inside.</p><p>“Hey, it's me,” Jeno replies, “can I talk to you?“</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“Knock yourself out,” Jaemin answers.</p><p>Jeno smiles and gives Chenle a thumbs up. “Wait here,” he whispers as he opens Jaemin’s door and steps inside.</p><p>With a phone in hand, Jaemin meets Jeno’s eyes in acknowledgment and goes back to his game. “I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your messages last night,” he starts, “Hyuck and I went to bed early. Too tired.”</p><p>"Oh, so it's 'Hyuck' again, huh," Jeno comments as he sits on his best friend's bed, "I didn't realize you haven't called him that since you got back. So, are Hyuck and Jaem back?"</p><p>Jaemin glares at him.</p><p>"Right, sorry about that," Jeno mutters as he clears his throat, “anyway, it's fine...I mean, it's fine that you didn't reply. I figured you’d want to be alone too anyway. How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Good, nothing to worry about,” Jaemin answers.</p><p>Jeno sighs and reaches out to take Jaemin’s phone from its owner. “Don’t be like this, Jaemin,” he says as he exits the game properly, “I know you talked to Renjun earlier. Talk to me too.”</p><p>“It wasn’t really a talk,” Jaemin tells him, “he spoke then I listened and gave appropriate responses, that’s all.”</p><p>“Okay, fine, you didn’t talk to him but talk to me - Jaemin, I’m your best friend,” Jeno reminds him with a frown, “Haechan stormed in here last night to scold us for being so fucking dumb and insensitive. Then, he cornered me to tell me that he saw you at the stairwell of the fire exit...”</p><p>“He what?” Jaemin asks, sitting up.</p><p>Jeno shakes his head, and says, “Don’t be mad at him. He was really furious on your behalf. He cares about you and I’m relieved he was there for you. At least, you didn’t have to be alone. But, Jaemin, it won’t always be like that. It’s not all the time that someone will find you. I don’t want that to happen. So, please, tell me about these kinds of things. Don’t keep them to yourself.” </p><p>Jaemin looks away, not answering. </p><p>It just hits Jeno how long he and Jaemin have been away from each other. Jaemin used to tell him whatever it was on his mind. Staring at his best friend, Jeno wonders what happened. It’s like Jaemin is so far away - still not here with him even though they’re practically sitting on the same bed, face to face, inside the same room. Was Jeno so stupid that he failed to read between the lines? </p><p><em> “How was therapy? Is it hard? Does it hurt?”<br/>
</em> <em> “Nothing special. I think my therapist had enough of me already - I kept asking a lot of questions.”<br/>
</em> <em> (“It fucking hurts! I want to give up. I don't want to do this anymore.) </em></p><p><em> “You must have a lot of free time. Aren’t you bored? What do you do?”<br/>
</em> <em> “Nah, Netflix’s my best friend. I’m binge-watching Gossip Girl.”<br/>
</em> <em> (“I’m not bored. But I’m drowning in my own thoughts. I have to find a way to distract myself.”) </em></p><p><em> “We miss you.”<br/>
</em> <em> “Ha! Of course, you do!”<br/>
</em> <em> (“Huh? But you seem all good without me…”) </em></p><p>Jeno feels a bit of anger forming inside his chest - anger directed at himself. Because he’s Jaemin’s best friend and, yet, he failed him. However, before he allows the emotion to take over him, Jaemin looks up at him, and says, “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Jaemin answers, “I know we promised to tell each other everything and I did so for two years. But when I had to take a break, it was like a different world where it was just me. I wanted to talk to you about it, but...I don’t know how. Maybe it was because I thought you wouldn’t understand or something. I don’t know. I wanted to tell you about a lot of things. Not just you, but the others too like Mark-hyung. But as time passed by, I was starting to get scared of my own thoughts. I couldn’t just dump them all on you because I knew you’d be worried. I didn't want that, especially when I see you guys on TV or your videos, having fun.”</p><p>“What were those things, Jaemin?”</p><p>“You don’t want to know,” Jaemin says, shaking his head.</p><p>“Was one of them the one you told Haechan yesterday?” Jeno asks.</p><p>A moment and there's a nod.</p><p>“What else?”</p><p>“I thought of not coming back,” Jaemin tells him with a shrug, “because therapy was so fucking hard, I didn’t think I’d make it through.”</p><p>“Give me another one.”</p><p>“Another reason why I thought of not coming back was that I saw you were all doing so well as six that I don’t think I’m still necessary,” Jaemin adds with a sad smile, “I also wanted to tell you that I find it hard to see myself dancing on stage again with all of you. There’s also the idea that I have already fallen so far behind everyone, I don’t think I’d still be able to catch up.”</p><p>Jeno nods and places his hand on Jaemin’s knee, which is covered by his blanket, to give it a comforting squeeze. “Tonight, tell me everything in detail,” he tells him, “I want to hear all this shit and, together, we’ll get rid of them one by one. You can’t tell me ‘no.’”</p><p>Jaemin scoffs and agrees.</p><p>“For now, Chenle’s outside and he wants to talk to you,” Jeno says, gauging the other boy’s reaction, “he thinks you hate him, so maybe...try to erase the kid’s fears?”</p><p>Chuckling, Jaemin replies, “I don’t hate him. I’m also not mad at him.”</p><p>“We kept telling him that, but he won’t believe us,” Jeno says with a sigh, “he cried from afternoon until night, he cried himself to sleep - Renjun had to call his mother to tell her he was staying over.”</p><p>“Oh…” Jaemin mutters, guilty, “I’m-let him in, I’ll talk to him.”</p><p>Jeno beams at him and stands up to walk to the door.</p><p>“By the way, Jeno,” Jaemin calls him as Jeno holds doorknob, “I’m happy for you.”</p><p>“Huh?” Jeno asks, confused.</p><p>Jaemin rolls his eyes. “You and Renjun?” he replies, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Ah! Yeah, thanks,” Jeno says with a shy smile and blushed cheeks while he rubs the back of his neck.</p>
<hr/><p>Eighteen boys gather inside one of SM's practice rooms. They are set to learn the choreography of their first song together - their first promotion as a whole NCT unit. Jaemin slumps down at one of the corners of the room and allows his eyes to travel at everyone. It’s apparent to him how excited they all are and he wishes he can share the same sentiments. Despite the older boys’ comforting words and his fellow NCT Dream members’ assurances from yesterday until this afternoon, he still can’t shake off the nagging feeling inside him that he no longer deserves to be in the same place as them.</p><p>“Aren’t you going to start warming up?”</p><p>Startled, Jaemin looks up and finds Donghyuck gazing down at him. “Yeah, I’m just about to start,” he says as he scratches the back of his head.</p><p>“Cool, let’s do it together,” Donghyuck replies as he sits down in front of the other boy.</p><p>Jaemin watches Donghyuck stretch his arms upward above his head. Flashbacks from a year and a half ago start flooding his head. Heavy breaths, sweaty skin, racing hearts. Jaemin looks away and sees an image of him and Donghyuck as 16 - wild and crazy. He can tell Donghyuck hasn’t changed despite being 17, but him? That side of him is locked away somewhere hidden in the depths of his flesh. He spent so much time wallowing in self-pity during his hiatus that he unconsciously buried a lot of memories that played a huge part in his life before he had to take a step back. </p><p>“Jaemin?”</p><p>Like the sweet and dangerous taste of the stolen kisses. </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Like the burning and addicting pleasure of being skin to skin with another body.</p><p>“Hey…”</p><p>Like the sharp and piercing pain of fingernails on his back.</p><p>Jaemin’s breath hitches as he felt an electrifying warmth on his knee - Donghyuck has just reached out to him to call his attention. He stares at the slightly older boy and sees worry in his eyes. Guilt rises from his stomach to his throat, tasting like bile. He left abruptly that day. His mother wanted to take him home right away so he could rest while she arranged everything he’ll need to start with therapy. He wasn’t able to say goodbye to everyone. It all happened too fast and he left a lot of things hanging.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>His relationship with Donghyuck was one of them.</p><p>“What?” Donghyuck asks in confusion.</p><p>“I should’ve at least tried to look for you before I left,” Jaemin explains and realization dawns on the other boy, “I should’ve made an effort to talk to you.”</p><p>Donghyuck chuckles and shakes his head. “There was no need to do that,” he tells the younger boy, “I mean, what for? You weren’t able to talk to a lot of people that day, why should I be a special case?”</p><p>“Hyuck…”</p><p>“It’s okay, Jaemin,” Donghyuck says, clearing his throat, “we...those things weren’t really a part of what we were anyway.”</p><p>Hearing Donghyuck’s words feels like a blow in his stomach. So, Jaemin gets up on his feet out of the blue and pulls the other boy with him to drag him out of the practice room. He’s aware that some of the members witnessed it, but he doesn’t care. It’s not like they didn’t know anything about what was going on before anyway.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Donghyuck asks as he is shoved inside the fire exit.</p><p>Shutting the door behind him, Jaemin turns to his Donghyuck and answers, “Look, I know we're not obligated to talk about...things. I still remember what we agreed on, Hyuck. But, you’re my friend too. You’re my friend first before anything else. I should’ve talked to you before leaving. You deserved that.”</p><p>“This is why I was avoiding you ever since you came back!” Donghyuck exclaims, frustrated, “I knew you’d bring this up once you get your head around it and I'm not ready.”</p><p>“I...I'm not ready too,” Jaemin whispers, hesitant.</p><p>Donghyuck eyes soften and smiles. “It’s okay, I understand and I’m not dumb,” he says as he reaches out a hand to gently put away Jaemin's hair from his face, “things have changed - that includes us, in some way or another - and there are more important things to prioritize.”</p><p>Jaemin nods, and replies, “But I still want to know that you mean more to me than what you think. It started a game, yes, but that doesn’t mean it was still a game when I left.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I have long stopped playing even before I left,” Jaemin tells him as he looks at Donghyuck in the eye, “I know you did too, we just didn't want to talk about it...our agreement, remember?”</p><p>Donghyuck bites his lip, guilty of being caught. “What do you want to do?” he asks once more.</p><p>Frowning, Jaemin answers, “I want to give it a try, Hyuck, believe me. But, just like you said, some things should be put first...I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I told you, I understand,” Donghyuck tells him again as he pulls Jaemin into his embrace, “we should focus first on working your way back to the group, you don’t think I know that?” he continues as Jaemin wraps his arms around him too, “We don’t have to do anything yet. Once things settle down, let’s talk again. This can wait...I can wait, Jaem.”</p><p>Grateful, Jaemin tightens his hold on Donghyuck and kisses him on top of his head before whispering “Thank you.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Jaemin squirms as Donghyuck leans closer to him. “I don’t think this is a good idea,” he says. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Seriously, Jaem, don’t turn to a good boy on me now.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Why are we doing this again?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Rolling his eyes, Donghyuck answers, “Because we're 16 and we have a right to have our first kiss already.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jaemin groans and resigns in defeat. J</em>
  <em>ust like that, their lips meet. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>END</strong>
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